


Minima Maxima Sunt

by Icka M Chif (mischif)



Series: Carpe Aestatem (Seize the Summer) [1]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Future Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-07
Updated: 2011-10-07
Packaged: 2017-10-24 23:57:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischif/pseuds/Icka%20M%20Chif
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minima Maxima Sunt - '<i>The smallest things are most important.</i>'</p><p>Platypus live on average for 10 years. Doofenshmirtz comes up with possibly his most feindish plan ever. The two are somewhat related.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Minima Maxima Sunt

  


**Minima Maxima Sunt**  
 _The smallest things are most important._  


* * *

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus!!!" Dr Doofenshmirtz shook his fist after his retreating rival. Once again, the two had gone face to face, with Perry the Platypus the victor.

He sighed and looked around the usual wreckage of his lab. It would take a couple of hours to get everything shipshape again, before he could start work on another evil fiendish scheme.

It was the same old pattern, one they'd been repeating for years now. "Really, it's amazing I haven't gotten bored with it." He mused, reaching down to pick up a broken bit of robotics to throw into the recycling bin.

"Gotten tired of what, Sir?" Norm boomed, finally freeing himself from the wreckage of the now defunct '-Inator'.

"That I haven't gotten tired of trying to get one past that sneaking do-gooder Perry the Platypus." Doofenshmirtz said idly. "Have you seen the broom?"

"It is over there, Sir." Norm pointed, then moved to grab it. "And it is only a matter of time before you will no longer need to worry about defeating the Platypus."

"Of course it's only a matter of time." Doofenshmirtz grumbled, annoyed. "He can't beat me EVERY time. I win some occasionally too, you know."

"I meant it is a matter of time before the Platypus is gone, Sir." Norm said, starting cleaning without prompting. "On average, Platypus only live to be about ten years."

"Ten years?" Doofenshmirtz scoffed. "That's plenty of time..." He trailed off, doing some calculations in his head.

He had been fighting Perry the Platypus for over five years. The agent had been fully grown at that time, which if he followed the same growth patterns of a cat or a dog meant that he was at least one to two years old when they'd first started fighting. Meaning that Perry the Platypus was about six or seven years old already. Not exactly young for a Platypus, while Doofenshmirtz was still in the prime of his life.

"You said 'on average'." Doofenshmirtz frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

"In the wild, due to predators including Man, Platypus life expectancy is around just six years." Norm informed him cheerfully. "The record for oldest living Platypus in captivity is 17 years."

"17 years..." Doofenshmirtz laughed nervously. For an animal living in a zoo, not living the dangerous life of a secret agent, and nemesis of Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz, scourge of the Tri-State area.

In as little as couple of years, he'd never have to worry about Perry the Platypus stopping his evil plans, the Platypus would be dead of old age. Or worse, he'd be retired from active duty and another secret agent assigned to him.

The thought filled him with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. He'd dealt with other O.W.C.A. agents before and it just wasn't the same.

"Continue cleaning up here, Norm." Doofenshmirtz instructed, walking away. "I've got some evil plans to work on."

"Righty-o Sir!" Norm sang, happily working away.

* * *

The familiar sound of glass breaking, followed by the electric zapping sound of a machine going off pulled Doofenshmirtz away from his soap opera. He checked his watch. Huh. A little earlier than normal. He hadn't been expecting his nemesis for another hour or two.

If he was taking time off from his fiendishly evil schemes, he usually had about three days of quiet before Perry the Platypus came to check up on him. Which was just enough time for him to do the research and concoct his sinister schemes.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus!" He cackled, rising from his chair and walking into the lab. "Just in time."

Perry the Platypus glanced at him, pulling a dart out of his butt and rubbing the offended spot. "I see you've already introduced yourself to the Age-inator." Doofenshmirtz smiled, walking over and patting his latest device. "It ages living things only, no cheese this time." He was still annoyed with Perry for eating his entire wheel of stinky limburger cheese before he could taste any.

He shoved that thought aside, continuing with his spiel. "With it, I can temporarily age the entire population of the Tri-State area to senior citizens, making everyone too old and cranky to stop me from taking over!"

His nemesis clenched his tiny fists, looking annoyed. Doofenshmirtz smirked. "Tell me Perry the Platypus. How are you feeling? Are your joints aching? Do you have a craving for prunes?"

Perry the Platypus paused, then did a few simple stretches, as if limbering up for some athletics before shrugging and shaking his head.

"Huh." Doofenshmirtz frowned and pretended to study the machine. "Oh. Here's why. It's stuck in reverse!" He faked surprise. "You should be a few years younger than you were this morning, Perry the Platypus."

Perry the Platypus frowned, holding up the dart he'd pulled out of his backside.

"Oh, that." Doofenshmirtz brushed it off as if it was dull and uninteresting as he walked away from the machine. "Stabilising agent. Congratulations, Perry the Platypus. You should now have half the lifespan of an average human. I'm sure you'll be terrorizing me until we're both old and grey."

The shocked bill dropping look on his nemisis' face was quickly displaced by the Age-inator exploding in a small fireball, the two of them well out of the blast radius. They both still grimaced, bringing their arms up to guard their heads.

Norm stuck his head out of his room. "Oh, goodie. An explosion." He said brightly. "I'll clean it up at once. It will give me something to do. Where is my broom?" The large robot disappeared back inside.

"And there goes that fiendish plan. Curse you Perry the Platypus, yadda yadda yadda." Doofenshmirtz waved a hand around. "My soaps are on. Want to come watch? Fernando was about to make a move on Veronica. Rawr." He waggled his eyebrows.

Perry the Platypus brightened, pulling a bag of potato chips out from behind his back, then reaching under his hat and offering Doofenshmirtz a plate of cookies, still warm as though fresh from the oven. "Ooh. White chocolate macadamian nut. I love these!"

He led his nemesis back into his living area, picking up snippets of dialogue from the television. "No leaving crunchy sharp edged crumbs all over the place for me to clean up later either." He warned. "I run a civilized household, thank you very much."

Perry the Platypus just rolled his eyes, making a chirring noise that was a cross between annoyance and acceptance. He seemed happy enough as he climbed up on the sofa, eyes immediately glued to the television. Doofenshmirtz took his usual seat on the sofa, biting into one of the cookies. "Hey! These are good!" No that he would have expected the secret agent to have _bad_ cookies with him. Mediocre maybe, but not bad.

His Nemesis gave him a look as if to ask what else did Doofenshmirtz expect, then took one off the plate, offering some chips from the bag in exchange. "Thank you." Doofenshmirtz smiled. "There's some soda around here somewhere, I'll get some for us on the next break."

Perry the Platypus nodded, turning his attention back to the television. Doofenshmirtz relaxed, strangely comforted by the presence of his nemesis so close by. Perhaps it was knowing that should Perry the Platypus die, it would by Doofenshmirtz's machinations, not something as stupid as 'growing old' entirely too early.

It was, Doofenshmirtz thought proudly to himself, his most fiendishly evil plan _ever_.


End file.
